Steph (iluvtrentreznor) wrote,

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im bored off my ass... i have nothing to do. this job sucks. but i get paid too good to give it up. $10/hr. to sit on my ass and answer phones. i think my job is so easy they could get an stupid no-english speaking beaner to do it. half the bitches that call me from other places dont even speak good english. i cant even understand them. but atleast i get to update my crappy lj. not like anyone reads it anyways... eccept matt... which is muchly appreciated. im happy when i go to my email box and see that i have a reply to my journal. it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy... ok not really but yeah. blah. every day it seems i get even more and more annoyed with my b/f. hes a jackass. he gets all pissy when i dont want to have sex and throws a little fit like a 5 year old. sometimes i just wanna look at him and say ""do you have balls??"" because i think he has a pussy, hes too emotional. he wants to know all my 'feelings' and wants to know why im 'distant'. i dont know, ive always been that way. ever since i can remember ive just never let in to people. i never share my emotions and feelings with people, unless they were my best friend. but even then it takes years before i even consider someone my best friend. and we have only been dating 5 months and he acts like we are married or something. hes too clingy. hes up my ass 24/7 i mean we even work at the same place. i get NO alone time. just to sit and be by myself and just listen to music. because he thinks thats annoying. i could sit and listen to music all day rather then sit there and watch movies over and over again, like he does. ive never been a movie person, unless it was a movie i really wanted to see. my family always watched primtime tv, and have certin shows we watch on certin nights. and now i have certin shows i watch on certin nights, and he gets all pissy. i dont want him to lay on me when we sit on the chouch, he gets pissy. sorry i dont want to be laid on because im not a fucking couch. shit like that pisses me off. if im joking around with him and he calls someone i like a dork, then i say "well i think your a dork", he says i have attitude, he gets pissy over everything. he gets pissy cuz when the alarm in the morning starts going off, i hear it. and then he keeps telling me to get up. im not a morning person, never was. im a bitch in the morning. if you keep yelling at me to get up im gonna tell you to shut your fucking mouth. im like that EVERY morning. and when he makes little comments like "yeah, it really looks like your getting up" i tell him to shut his fucking mouth. im a grown woman and i will get up when i feel like it. its like he wants me to be compleatly dependent on him. and im not that. im the exact oppisite. my mother was independent and as am i. hello i was raised in the 90's. this isnt 1964. where the woman tends to every mans needs. im the type of person you say something i dont like, i will say something about it to your face. his friends down talk me to my face right in front of him and he does nothing about it. then when we get in fights he throws shit in my face, shit i never asked him to do. i.e. i was low on cash around christmas and i wasnt going to be able to buy my sister, her b/f, and my dad a gift, so he took me to the mall and get them gifts for me. i never asked him to do that. i am very thankful for it, but if hes going to use it against me i would have told him never ever to do it. thats another reason i dont let people into my feelings, cuz in some way someone will use them against me. i think hes fucking with my head cuz i know he took physiology when he went to college. and hes telling me im doing all these things wrong, but he seems to be the only one mad when we get in fights. we are just too oppisite to be together. i want to break up with him NOW. but for right now hes my only ride to work. another thing that pisses me off, as if i dont have enough, is he always gloats, about everything. like when we went to miami on sat. for that concert, he was telling everyone 'we got a hotel room, my friend knows all the djs in the clubs, so we get vip in every club, we get this, we get that'. do people care that you have a hotel, no.(it was a roach hotel at that) do people care if you can get into the vip of the clubs, no. i dont even care. but for some reason he always makes it seem like im a bitch for that reason. I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF YOU KNOW EVERYONE IN THE FUCKING WORLD, not everyone cares. he tells everyone the same storys about shit over and over again. and ive heard every story about 15 million times. like for one, he tells everyone that this one time when he got arressted he was sitting in the back of the cop car on the way to jail while drinking a beer and talking on his cell phone... hes full of shit. i KNOW for a fact that is not true. no cop would jeperdize their job, just so he can drink his beer on the way to jail. he brags about how he knows all the cops, which is also bullshit. he brags about how he knows one of the doc's at lehigh memorail hospital. ok and?? my sisters b/f's mom is the head RN of lehigh memorial emergency room. does that make me anymore special. no. does him knowing that doc make him anymore special, no. but for some reason he thinks it does. he acts so superior to everone. thats the reason none of my friends talked to him when we hung out with them. then he tried to make me feel bad about hanging out with my friends. the only people we ever hang out with anymore are his friends. and when we hang out he acts like we have to be together, me and him can hang out with our seperate friends seperatly. we dont have to be together every fucking minute. he acts like we do. and if i was to make freiends to hang out with bridgette or something, he would put on his little pouting face and say "what, you dont want to be with me", and one of these times im gonna say "no, i wanna hang out with my friends without having to worry about you and if you are bored or if no one is talking to you... did he try to talk to anyone... NO! but my friends are the assholes. thats how people are in the park, if they dont know you and have never met you before, they wont talk to you, you have to talk to them and make yourself known. GOD HE FUCKING ANNOYS ME!! i could type forever on the shit that pisses me off about him. he gloats, he fucks with my head, he tries to make me feel guilty about shit i never asked of him, hes a fucking dork, and he has to sing to every song that comes on the radio, and he forces me to listen to rap. he thinks nin sucks, and they were bad performers, because he doesnt understand tr's artistic guru status. hes talking and dissin on shit he doesnt understand. when i said i cried when nin performed "hurt" he looked at me like i was a compleat retard, and said "uh, why?"..... ummmm maybe because that song means more to me than anything and to hear it and see it performed by the man i would sell my soul for made me cry. it ment a lot to me. it ment more than the world. then once i made a joking comment (not really joking but he doesnt know that, i didnt want to start another fight) about how if i had the chance to be with trent reznor, even for a one night stand that i would leave anyone i was with. he got all pissed... thats the reason i have a "what the fuck ever" type of attitude twards him. he takes everything too fucking personal. like when i yell at him in the mornings to leave me alone, that is an everyday thing, what would make anyother day different?? my sister is just like me and her b/f deals with it. he knows thats just the way she is and there is nothing he can do about it. so he accepts it. why can my b/f? umm maybe because hes from fucking micigan and people from up north are WEIRD as FUCK. its like sometimes i think they come from a compleatly different planet. or maybe all the snow did something to his brain, i dont know. but hes a fucking retard and im done with his drama, hes the one that starts all the drama anyways. i ask him what he wants for dinner, and he says hes not hungry, so i go ahead and make me and my sister something, then after we get done eating he goes and makes something, and then tries to makes me feel bad because i didnt do it for him, you got your chance motherfucker. i offered, and you didnt take it. is that my fault. no. if i ask him not to lay on me, he gets all pissy then goes to the other end of the couch and curls himself up into a ball as much as he can and then sits there with a pout look on his face and keeps looking at me every 3 seconds to see if im looking at him, i know he does it i can see out of the corner of my eye. its like dude, grow some balls. he says i use him. i never ask anything of him. EVER. i never ask him for a god damn thing and he tries to sit there and make me feel bad. fuck him. thats shit i dont need in my life, i felt more sane when i was living with my mom than i do with him. he says when he gets mad at me i dont give a fuck, cuz i dont. he says people who love eachother try to work out their problems, yeah but when you get mad at me because i dont want to be your fucking sofa, i dont want to try to fix that, i dont want to be laid on, whats to fix. i have a solution, dont lay on me. DUH! its like sometimes things done click in his head and hes a compleat retard. im beginning to get fed up with this shit. no wait, i already am. wow, i just did an over view of this whole post and it started out about work and now its about my jackass tit sucker called a bf. its like he cant get his mouth from the nipple. his tries to wedge his head so far up my ass. i go and take lunch with my sister, and he says 'why didnt you ask me to come?', because i want to go to lunch with my sister, so we can talk to eachother, 'so you can talk about me?' no just so i can talk to my fucking sister, and not have you look at me like a dork when we start laughing at inside jokes, just because you dont get them. its like wtf. -sigh- ok well i think im gonna go because i think everyone in my office is getting annoyed at how fast i type because i get a little loud. thats all for now fuckkers
<3 steph
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